Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm at about main and main street
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
