Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
