You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
do nipples grow back?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
