i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
