Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
