I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
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I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
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I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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