true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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