so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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