he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
