About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It was confusing and full of hummus
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
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I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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