dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
