Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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