there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
