don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
