why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
