He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
