i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
