Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
