He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
