Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
