I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
