i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
whose parrot is this?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
