His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I FOUND THE LEGS
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
