I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Randomize
