I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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