those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
