god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
