just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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