Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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