I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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