the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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