He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
