I love black thongs
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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