He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
