handjob tips. give me some.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
