I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
