My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
