I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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