He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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