I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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