youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
