cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
