Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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