I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
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Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
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okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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