You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
