I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
