Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
