My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
