when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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