Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We were destined to go to rehab together
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
