I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
