I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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