the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
God I need to hump something, right now.
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