I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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