Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
