don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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