What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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