you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
