my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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