dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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