your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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