dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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